Preparing for a Healing Birth After Cesarean

A Healing Birth after Caesarian (C Section)

Our birth story begins with the moment we found out my husband (then boyfriend at the time) found out we were unexpectedly pregnant around Christmas 2015. We were scared, nervous and worried about the unknown. After processing this and finding out we were having a little boy, we were overjoyed and became excited to prepare for the birth of our first-born.

At the time, I did not know anything about birth and decided to just see my regular OB at Woman’s who I have been seeing since I was a teenager. The prenatal appointments went and were short. No much information was given to me about preparing for birth other than a brochure and to attend one of their “Preparing for Baby” hospital classes. My husband and I attended the class and I only read “What to Expect” book to prepare for my upcoming birth.

Throughout my whole pregnancy, I envisioned having my son natural, without medications. I dreamed about birthing him and having him placed right on my chest to bond. It was just a natural instinct I longed for and had since being pregnant. No having any birth knowledge or experience, we continued seeing our regular OB and the pregnancy went very well with no complications.

Our son was due in August 2016, and little did we know we would be faced with much adversity the week before he was born. On August 13th, 2016 the great flood of LA hit and we suddenly became homeless as well as lost everything we owned. My sweet nursery I had worked so hard at preparing was in ruins and we had to rely on family/friends to house us until we were able to get back on our feet. Not only did the flood hit, I also lost my sweet grandfather to a long battle of Alzheimer’s. I have to say we had an incredible support team and couldn’t have survived with out our family and friends love and assist.

My son’s due date was August 22nd but around midnight on August 20th, I woke up to having what I thought was my water breaking. I started to have some contractions and decided to contact the hospital. Because I was GBS+, the hospital wanted me to come in to get checked immediately. I obliged and we headed to the hospital. In the assessment area, they reported my water did not break yet even though I continued to leak. I was only 1-2 cm dilated and they were planning to send me home, until my son’s heart rate dropped. Due to this, they admitted me.

In the labor room, they attempted to hook up my IV lines for antibiotics ASAP. They stuck me at least 6-7 times until they could get a good vein. Once I was in the bed, I never changed positions. I continued to lay in a somewhat incline position on my back. They would come in every so often to tell me to get on my side due to my son’s heart rate would drop again. The doctors decided not to add pitocin to my labor since baby seemed to already be in distress. His heart rate was dropping once an hour, per hospital records. The doctor then decided to break my water without consent around 3 cm. I honestly just went with what the doctor said because my husband and I did not know any better.

Around 7-8 in the morning, the doctor and nurses came back in stating my son’s heart rate continues to have un-reassuring heart tones and that an epidural would be best because there is already talk about a c-section. My heart sank. I never dreamed a c-section would be talked about during my birth experience. I started to cry and consented to the epidural not knowing what would happen next. I also might add that I had Harrington rods in my back from having scoliosis spinal fusion surgery when I was younger. I was very nervous that an epidural may not work, but surprisingly it did. The epidural did take more medication than needed to numb me though due to I could feel part of my body still.

After getting the epidural, the nurses slowly started to bring in the c-section clothes for my husband and mother without me even signing forms for a section. It was like they already knew they were going to send me to surgery. No long after, the doctor came in to discuss having a section. She reported they tried all they could but seems that my son’s heart rate just is not doing well and I need an immediate section. Reluctantly, I agreed for fear and concern of my baby. No other options were given. I had only been laying in the bed and rotating left to right to help my son’s heart rate. I felt defeated and alone.

After over an hour of signing the consent forms for a section they finally wheeled me back to surgery. My husband and mother had to wait outside until they finished preparing me before they could come back.  Some emergency, huh? I was cold and shaking the entire time. My nerves were so bad and I felt like I could no breath. I continued to tell the nurses/doctors that I couldn’t breathe and they seemed to have gave me some other medications to calm me down without my consent again. The medications made me very drowsy to where I continued to pass out. Eventually, my son was born 11:21 am in perfect health. My husband had to wake me to tell me he was here. I could barely see him and all I remember was telling everyone I was so sorry for falling asleep.

They brought my son to me after cleaning him up and doing all the protocol procedures. I was numb and could not even remember seeing him. Thank goodness I had a birth photographer so that I could look back at the photos. Those are the only memories I have from it. It was devastating to me.

They wheeled me back to the mommy and me room but I was out of it. I remember waking up to wanting to hold my son for the first time, but instead I woke up to my entire family passing around my son in their arms. I also continued to shake violently due to coming off the epidural. It was a horrible experience.

We stayed in the hospital for 3 days and it was painful. I believe the terrible birth experience plus having a natural disaster strike a week prior to his birth, contributed to me having terrible baby clues and trouble bonding with my son. I cried for days and struggled with breastfeeding. I felt lack of confidence as a mother and just got by with my son’s first year. It is all a blur now.

My husband and I knew after our son’s birth, we wanted things to be different for out next child. Once I was able to get back to normalcy, I began researching VBAC information like crazy. I needed a healing birth experience for my next birth.

My husband and I had much to accomplish first before we decided to have another child. We first needed to buy a home then get married. We accomplished this and it was a beautiful experience together as a family of three. During all this time though, I was slowly doing research on how to have the best natural birth experience possible.

My research and preparation included, multiple natural minded books, podcasts, healthy fertility nutrition to prepare my body, VBAC research, evidence-based birth, changing providers, hiring a doula and looking into pelvic floor and chiropractor therapy once pregnant. We had a great plan and were finally ready to try for baby number 2.

We got pregnant the first try. The first thing I did was to call René, our doula. I knew she had much experience with birth in general but also VBAC experience as well. I then made my first appointment with a new provider, the midwives at Ochsner Hospital. I was determined to have a totally different experience this go round.

My first midwife appointment was incredible. It was a total 180 compared to my previous appointments with my OB. The midwives took time with me and were very natural minded. They explained a natural birth and how to achieve it. They continued to build my confidence that I could achieve this natural VBAC.

My pregnancy was great and had no issues. My husband and I also took René’s natural childbirth course, which I believe helped prepare my husband more so than me since I had already done so much research on natural birth. If anything, it built my confidence up more that I could have this VBAC. It is a must though for any couples preparing to have a natural birth. René has a wealth of knowledge.

Coming into my third trimester, another disaster hit. The corona virus pandemic had started to spread and life, as we knew it would change. No more visitors were allowed at the hospitals and my immediate first thought was, “how can I do this without my doula or husband”? I continued to pray and hope for the best by the time I would deliver, June 2020.

When faced with questions and opposition regarding my decision for a natural VBAC, some of my family just could not understand why I want to do it. Most assumed it was because I was trying to prove something. This was not the case. My previous birth experience was traumatic and I felt robbed of those first sacred moments between mother and baby. After extensive research, I realized even more how crucial that time is. It was my main goal and reasoning to have a natural birth. I wanted to be FULLY present with my baby and have the best bonding experience possible. It was never about if I could handle the pain or not. It was about the sacred relationship between mother and baby. I needed this type of birth so that I could heal fully from a previous birth that was so traumatizing to my core. I also wanted to show other women that they have choices. Once a section is NOT always another section.

Fast forward to my second birth! The pandemic was still in effect but in the beginning of June the announcement was made that my husband AND my doula could be there for my birth. Those were all the words I needed to hear to regain my confidence in having my VBAC.

I was having lots of Braxton hicks and some prodromal labor on and off weeks prior to my delivery. I just started to assume it was the norm being a second pregnancy. I was seeing my pelvic floor and chiropractor regularly to help with the increasing pressures and pains from being in the third trimester.  My last chiropractic appointment was June 16th at noon. The chiropractor did a couple new adjustments to help with the continuous Braxton hicks I was feeling. After I left, it did not improve but the contractions seemed to increase. I just brushed it off thinking it was a just a norm until I would eventually go into labor. My due date was not until June 24th, 2020.

The contractions seemed to intensify throughout the day but were never a regular pattern. Around 6 pm, things picked up and I was starting to have to lay down or use the birth ball to help ease the pain. My husband began to worry. The contractions intensified, but I continued to believe it was just prodromal labor. I called René, and she helped with giving me some scenarios on what we could do the help ease the contractions or possible go get assessed at the hospital. Around 11 pm, I was starting to moan and could not walk during each contraction. No shower, bath, hydration or other comfort measures seemed to help slow down the contractions. Eventually, René suggested we could get assessed at the hospital to possibly get a “happy shot” to help me rest and maybe slow down the contractions so I could just rest and just assess the next day. We agreed and were on out way to the hospital.

On the ride there, I continued to think in my mind this couldn’t be it, that it was early and I was only having false labor, I never lost my mucus plug or have my water leak/break. I kept thinking that they would just send me home after this. Once we arrived around midnight, René was there to greet us. The hospital was quiet and no one was around. We had to wear our masks due to the COVID virus. Once we were in the assessment center, I had some anxiety. This was the part in my last birth were things began to deteriorate due to my son’s heart rate. I asked the midwives to turn down the heart rate monitor due to that being one of my triggers. They happily obliged. Baby’s heart rate remained stable the entire time but I was having contractions for sure.

This is where things started to look up, and I could see my natural birth plan coming to fruition. The midwife came in to check me. To my surprise and shock I was already 5-6 cm! I screamed that I never made it that far with my son. I even asked the midwife if I could go back home to labor and they all giggled. They reported I wouldn’t be able to leave and that it was time to have a baby. All words of joy to my ears.

We were able to get to a labor room right away around 1 pm. I continued to have intense contractions to where I needed to lean on my husband or my doula. I was also unable to walk or talk through them. The contractions were so intense; that I worried it was tearing my c-section scare open. I was reassured by the nurses and midwives that all this was normal and my contractions as well as baby’s heart rate were doing beautiful.

The nurses immediately got a portable tub set up. While I was waiting for them to set up the tub, I went to the shower/tub to labor some to ease to contractions. I was already having a ton of bloody show by then. I had to moan and breathe down/slow to get through the contractions. Honestly, the contractions felt like my back and abdomen was stretching and breaking but only for the peak of the contractions. They eventually would taper off quickly. My body just seemed to know I needed rest between each contraction and gave it to me. I never seemed to experience contractions one of top of each other as I progressed.

Eventually, I got out of the small tub and my doula suggested I labor some on the toilet. I honestly wanted to scream more because those hurt the most. They were very intense and I almost felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. My midwife checked me at around 3 am and I was around 81/2 -9 cm. I then moved to the big tub and it was such a relief despite not wanting to move. I tried squatting in the tub and also leaning over the tub, per suggestion of my doula. My poor husband was wonderful at being by my side the entire time as I would moan and squeeze his arms through each contraction.  I continued to break down and would ask for pain relief but my birth team stuck true to my wishes and gently reminded me that this is what I wanted. They reminded me of my goals for a natural birth and why I wanted it so bad. It also seemed to help I would mumble mantras to myself. Some mantras included, “my body and baby knows what to do”, as well as “I am strong and can do this”.

I had another cervical exam around 4:30 am. They discovered I had a cervical lip. The way they handled discussing this with me was incredible. The midwife and my doula were so calm and helped to let me know this was normal and easily fixable. Nothing was wrong with me was what I mainly got out of the conversation. They suggested I lay on my right side with a peanut ball to help move the lip. Once I did this, the contractions intensified and I felt pushy often. I was already feeling somewhat pushy in the tub as well. I got to 10 cm and they suggested breaking my water to help baby engage. Apparently though, my water bags were so strong that it took the midwife a couple tries to break.

Everything intensified, and all I could think about was pushing the baby out. The pain was unreal but something allowed me to tap into my primal instincts and just push through it. With the continuous support of my birth team, I was able to push for a little over an hour until our baby made her arrival. The feeling of relief I had once her body came out was insane. We did not know the gender, which was another wonderful surprise. I was able to immediately hold our baby girl on my chest and I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I felt a rush of euphoria over me and just cried for joy. I was also in shock that it actually all happened the exact way my husband and I had planned. We had done it. I was a woman of strength and I got the birth of my dreams.

My golden hour with my baby lasted more than an hour. I had several hours of her on my bare chest uninterrupted. Words cannot describe the feeling of pure joy and bliss my husband and I had during that time to bond with our daughter. It was truly magical and a once in a lifetime moment.

Overall, after things winded down and settled, I was able to process how healing this birth experience was. It was also not just the birth itself, but all the preparation that went into the birth. I had been preparing for a healing birth not just the 9 months of pregnancy, but for almost 3 years after my son’s birth. Over the past years as my son grew, I had continued to have lack of confidence in myself as a mother and would still cry randomly over thinking about his birth. It was an open wound. I knew I had to heal from this and finally I was able to. I finally had peace.

I hope my story can spread and help any other mom or couple out there that need a healing experience. Just to let them know what they are feeling is normal and that we can have a natural birth after a c-section. Knowledge is power and I encourage any woman/couple planning on having a VBAC to build a wonderful birth team from the start and to allow yourself to process your feelings whenever needed. Know that you are a woman of strength and can do this! They work is so worth the fulfilling payoff in the end. Best wishes!